When the Storm Rips Through

A heart that trusts God completely? What does that look like? How does that flesh itself out when things seem grim and problems overwhelming? Mothering has had it's ups and downs, especially lately. The only way I can describe it is a term I concocted (so don't google it):  bipolarism motherhood. Let's just say it's been a bumpy ride recently!

There is always the temptation to give the appearance of control even when you feel out of control. However trials and storms have recently slapped me in the face with a sobering reality check that I DO NOT have control at all.

How do you look at the rubble of a storm..... standing in the midst of the aftermath and say, "God I trust you and you are still good"? It's one thing to go through a storm that involves you but when it involves your children it's a completely different dynamic. 

Simple answer. God's grace. 

It seems to cover you as the storm passes over. It helps you stand when you have fallen and during times like these you either grow bitter or better. I thank God the Holy Spirit is teaching me to trust and rely on Him. I'm going through this hardship with the assurance that God will never leave me or forsake me.

As a mom you want so badly to protect your children from the hurt and pain of life, but hardships are the things that often draw them to Jesus. I often get in the way with my controlling and fix it complex- as a result delaying the pruning and chiseling process God is doing in them. I confess, keeping my controlling hands out of the clay as God handles the situation has been hard.  Impatiently I want to fix things my way and as a result I get in the way.

To be a mother is a role that i didn't exactly know what I was getting into. Let's be honest, I was blindsided. When you're holding your beautiful baby in your arms you're not peeking into their future. You have no anticipation that this baby will one day be a man or a woman who will have to find themselves and ultimately find God in the seeking. However in their seeking they may fail sometimes... miserably. As a mom watching them hurt is like putting a whip to my very soul.  If the truth be told, suffering is a school I never wanted to enroll my children in. Nonetheless my God uses suffering to perfect us and mold us to the image of His son. It's His process yet we often find ourselves squirming and trying to avoid the fire. However, the path of suffering is the path to growth and trust. Suffering can be best described as the steroids of faith because it injects in you growth that would have taken years without the storm.

I've prayed "God may my children love and serve you no matter the cost." Well the cost right now for me is pricey and comes with letting go. I'm in a hands wide open, no more like,  prying my fingers open season. I'm learning to hold loosely the things that can be ripped from me and clinging on to the one who cannot.

So, back to the aftermath.....(yeah it's a long story that one day it may find it's way to music; or a book; or wherever else God may make use of it). The aftermath of a storm is hard. After the tears, pain and heartache; after the shattering of dreams and loss I stand in the rubble. Looking around at the aftermath I whisper with the only strength left in me- "You can use this. I know You can use this for Your glory." And right now that's the only hope piercing through the dark clouds. God never ever waste pain.

Joseph's trials would lead him to a place of prominence and God used his pain. What others meant for evil God used for good. Baby Moses floating down the Nile River? That doesn't make sense unless God could fish a babe out of the water and set him apart to led His people out of slavery. The death of Ruth's husband and Naomi's children....how can God use loss like that for His glory?  Yet, He did. It was that journey of pain and bitterness that would lead Ruth to her Kinsman Redeemer's arms and ultimately lead her into the genealogy of our Savior. Jesus' death would set captives free and bring hope to the world. What a reminder that God uses pain.

So, I stand here with rubble all around and from what I see it only looks like chaos "just branches and boards where walls stood" but God you're a Master Carpenter and You know how to build in the mist of rubble. So I clear away what I envisioned and make room for what will be.  With infinite wisdom may providence prevail I move out of the way and say "build".

I leave you with this wonderfully crafted poem by Ruth Bell Graham that portrays the tug of war between maternity and sovereignty.

Had I been Joseph’s mother

I’d have prayed

protection from his brothers:

“God keep him safe;

he is so young,

so different from

the others.”

Mercifully she never knew

there would be slavery

and prison, too.

Had I been Moses’ mother

I’d have wept

to keep my little son;

praying she might forget

the babe drawn from the water

of the Nile,

had I not kept

him for her

nursing him the while?

Was he not mine

and she

but Pharaoh’s daughter?…

Had I been Mary -

Oh, had I been she,

I would have cried

as never a mother cried,

“…Anything, O God,

anything…

but crucified!”

With such prayers

importunate

my finite wisdom

would assail

Infinite Wisdom;

God, how fortunate

Infinite Wisdom

should prevail!

-Ruth Bell Graham