Silence the Lies

Have you ever seen a movie with an intense war scene? 

The bombs going off, smoke in the air. Picture that scene in slow motion, soldiers running from bullets, muffled noises, and utter chaos filling the screen.

I watch these movies at the edge of my seat (specifically with a blanket covering my eyes). These types of films evoke all sorts of emotions inside of me, like sweaty palms, a racing heart, and fear. I often have these seemingly real life battles that conjure up in the battlefield of my mind. Similar to the scenes I described, the battle comes with noise and chaos. Barraging my mind with fear, insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. 

A lie crept into my head, a whisper at first, "your ministry is done." Then the whisper seemed to shout "the best is not yet to come, quit sharing your story, it's old already." 

The thing about a lie is it starts off small and can grow if you don't demolish it.  The lies seem to taunt me in the mundane of my day, "You are common, a dime a dozen. Shut up already. Slow down, stop fighting, you have no voice." 

The deception of the accuser grew louder and louder, as I attempted to fight them silently in my head. They embedded their fangs into my mind and then around my heart until I could hear myself agreeing with those lies.

I was walking around doing life, yet the lies were choking the life out of me. 

In agreement I said, "I have nothing extraordinary to offer this world, my story is yesterday's news, I've done my share but now it's time to shrink back. Those were good times, God did so much but He is done with me now.”

“You aren't relevant enough.”

“You’re dumb.”

“You're unqualified.”

With every lie I agreed, slandering my own self. 

As I walked in from work, my husband asked me if I was ok. With falsehood swirling fresh in my head I quickly responded, "I'm ok!" 

Fighting back tears. "I'm good." 

He knows me, so he probed. 

I finally caved and verbally vomited up the lies that were sticking to my brain like leeches. "I'm old and I haven't accomplished anything significant, I'm a failure, I don't have a college degree, what difference has my life made." 

Then the comparison trap began. Comparison and lies are cousins. 

"I'm not good enough, I'll never be like so and so. Why even try." 

My husband, in an attempt to help me fight the lies, said, "honey, your identity is in Christ and not any of the things you accomplish." I retorted quickly without thought or measure to the weight of my words, "I know I am God's daughter, I know I am loved but I feel like he has me on the sidelines and has forgotten me. “

I pause here because I want to take you to a conversation I had with a friend just a month prior to this very moment. 

A dear friend of mine was struggling with very similar insecurities. Her place in the story of God's plan. She felt washed up, done. She texted me and sounded so hopeless, like she had been believing lies. I called her and spoke life into her and prayed with her reminding her that she was loved, and that God has a place for her in the big picture of his redemption. I told her that if she knew all he was going to do in and through her life, she wouldn't be able to contain it. 

Yet, here I was in the very same place believing the very same lies just a month later.  Yet I couldn't fight the lies that had hijacked my mind.

In the book of Job, Job's friend Eliphaz told him something that I can relate to. He told him, you yourself have done this plenty of times, spoken words that clarify, encouraged those who were about to quit. Your words have put stumbling people on their feet, put fresh hope in people about to collapse. But now you're the one in trouble-you're the hurting one! You've been hit hard and you're reeling from the blow. (Job 4:1-6) 

I was confronted with the very same lies that my friend had faced and I couldn't fight it. I didn't even have the capacity to conjure up a pep talk for myself because the lies had taken occupancy in my head. It felt as if they found a couch, made coffee and were having a conference in my brain. I was hit hard and I picked up the flag of defeat and waved it. Agreeing with the accuser. "Yes, I am all those things!" Waving my white flag of despair.

Fight? I had no fight in me. This went on for about 5 days, lie upon lie, building a fort of deceit and despair. I walked into church one Sunday completely depleted. The weight of the deception like a virus had zapped my joy, energy and strength. It felt heavy and tiring. 

As worship began and I fought through the songs, lifting my hands, playing the part. Lies still swirling, "you haven't accomplished anything with your life." I thought I can't do this anymore God these lies are exhausting. 

Then I heard the whisper of the Holy Spirit, "Am I enough for you?" I pushed the question to the side, but it came again, "Am I enough?" "My work on the cross was the accomplishment you can live in, was my finished work enough?" "Can you find your identity as my daughter, and is that enough?" The questions probed at the real issue I was dealing with. Was Jesus enough? Did I think accomplishments and accolades outside of Christ would somehow fill the empty spaces in my heart. How about if I accomplish all the dreams in my heart...would there still be a void waiting to be filled with “the more” that I don't yet have? 

The questions seemed to dissipate the lies...the questions poked holes in the fallacy I was believing that my identity was found in my accomplishments. The truth was my identity is found in Christ alone, and when I identify with Him he says I am chosen. When I identify with him he says I belong, he says that I matter and he invites me to join him in a grander plan. My identity is that I was purchased, blood bought and loved, redeemed and valued. My identity is that I am God's possession, that I am holy (set apart) for good work. In light of that truth, I see that the lies were just that, lies.  

I sat there and began to agree with what God said about me and with every declaration came liberation from this evasion of falsity that had attached to me. 

The Holy Spirit whispered again, the questions repeating, he wanted a response from me and he waited with tender love and patience as I responded, "your accomplishment is enough Jesus, your (God) work is enough, Thank you that I get to partner with you and that is enough. I was created for good works, I am your workmanship. And you are enough.”

Lies loosened, with my response, the grip unleashed with every truth proclaimed. You see the enemy (Satan) would love to silence me, to silence you. 

Your story, your testimony has the ability to conquer enemy ground. Your story is really God's story and if you let him he can make history with his-story! So don't let lies silence you. No one tells the story like you do, the story of God's grace in your life, the story of his love upon your life. How the cross changed you!  

Revelations 12:11 says , And they have conquered him (the devil) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. 

Why write about this? Because I know there are some of you who at the reading of these words have believed lies, and the lies have muzzled you, manipulated you, and caused you to believe you're done. Maybe you're convinced to give up your activity for God's kingdom. Instead of partnering with what God says about you, you have partnered with deceit. 

I want to tell you from a place of clarity, with the smoke gone, the lies silenced and speak a word of encouragement to you. Keep sharing, keep fighting. You will never find a greater accomplishment than the one Christ did for you on Calvary. Jesus not only invites you to live in that victory but also invites you to partner with him in telling others about his hope. Furthermore he calls you his workmanship, created in Christ for good works. 

So, silence the enemy, quiet the chatter of deceit with a declaration of truth. In the words of the song by KB, "not today Satan, not today!" 

Jesus is enough and so are you!